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The Virgin Mary, quite contrary...
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| Geek. |
[06 Apr 2005|02:49pm] |
So, does anyone remember Oregon Trail? The game we all spent inordinate chunks of time playing in second grade? Huh?
Well anyway.
My "you have died of dysentary" shirt came in the mail. I was very happy.
And I bought another shirt, that says "No, and that's final."
For some reason, this shirt makes guys hit on me twice as much.
Today I'm wearing it, along with a pin on my pants that says "good girl gone bad".
Oh, how I love sarcasm and contradiction.
That's all.
I just felt like writing stuff.
Sorry my life isn't more exciting.
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| LATE to bed... Early to rise. Makes you... uh. I don't remember those old sayings too well. |
[05 Apr 2005|06:17am] |
What the fuck am I doing up so early?
I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Yay! Not. I'll probably nap later. I may be awake and energetic right now, but I'm sure I'll just crash before the day is out.
I was on Oprah yesterday. How cool is that? Well, before you get your hopes up, no, I wasn't talking on Oprah. They just showed a clip of my American Idol audition. SIMON was the one talking on Oprah. I figured to myself, if SIMON can talk on Oprah, so can I! Or something. I don't think it was quite that. Either way, I e-mailed Oprah's show people and requested an appearance. Ha!
I'm so cool.
I just need A DAMN JOB. LOL. This job hunting thing sucks - getting a productive, well-paying, full time job can be tough - but I WILL get one. I'm DETERMINED. Arrr!
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| Speaking of Shane! |
[29 Mar 2005|06:06pm] |
How many of us either want to BE Shane or be WITH Shane?
Or both?
I wrote a song.
I Wanna Be Like Shane
I...
I wanna be like Shane
I wanna walk like Shane
And talk like Shane
And act like Shane
And mack like Shane
Distract like Shane
Attract like Shane
I wanna be like Shane
So I don't have to feign
My confidence in vain
I wanna be like Shane
I wanna be like Shane
Then, I will not complain
And I will not refrain
From what I'll now obtain
I wanna be like Shane
I...
I wanna be like Shane
I wanna fuck like Shane
Instruct like Shane
And flirt like Shane
And hurt like shane
And charm like shane
And harm like Shane
I wanna be like Shane
I won't have to explain
That I will not abstain
If I could be like Shane
I wanna be like Shane
My life is so inane
But I would not complain
If I could be like shane
I wanna be like Shane
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| SCORE! I apparently look like Shane! And I have a song! |
[29 Mar 2005|04:04pm] |
HOLY SHIT!
So, I was sitting at my computer, watching Kate Moennig (Shane from The L Word) do an interview, and my dad came up, and was like 7 feet away or so, and asked, "Is that you?"
OH MY GOD. I jumped up and squealed with excitement - my own father, from a distance, thought Kate Moennig was ME.
For those who don't know, I adore her. I think she's one of the coolest, sexiest women on the planet. And getting told I look like her just makes my day.
I had to share.
--------------------------
I now have a song recorded. It's pure cacophony, pure annoyance, but guaranteed amusement!:
http://www.maryroachweb.com/MaryRoachRightOnOK.mp3
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| The Incredibly True Adventures of Mary and Technology |
[25 Mar 2005|11:23am] |
So, I'm chillin at Angela's pad, right? And I'm awake before everyone else, because I always wake up early in other peoples' houses... I'm not sure why this is. Perhaps it's because I'm a light sleeper to begin with. Perhaps it's that I don't want everyone up before me, in case I snore. I don't want them to be like, "Psst... Mary's SNORING. Maybe you should kick her, to wake her up and inform her of her snoring! HHAHAHAH! SNORING!" In case I snore. I hope I don't snore. But if I DO snore, I don't want to snore in someone else's house.
Kind of how I think burping and farting is gross, and I'd never do either around anyone. They're all embarrassing. Though maybe snoring isn't on the same level as burping and farting. Anywho.
Angela is enlightened. This, for non-geeks, means she is in posession of an iMac. Mary doesn't have an iMac. Mary is puzzled by iMac's. Very puzzled, matter of fact. I was puzzled by an iMac for about half an hour.
So why was I puzzled? Simple. I didn't know how to turn the damn iMac on!
I fumbled around the floor, pressing every button I could find, but alas, no avail. I tried pushing in those little glass thingies on the side, and BAH! What help were they? None at all! I even plugged in some random device, but all it did was turn on the fax machine. "Hmph," I grumbled to myself, wishing computers were like humans. If I touched a human everywhere, it would probably mean I was attempting to turn it on. So the human would be turned on, and then we could have interactions. Unlike me and the iMac. Then again, it might mean that I'm an evil criminal, pulling off a not-so-smooth form of robbery, but I'd rather believe the former.
So I keep fondling the iMac, pressing all its buttons, when a little light goes on in my brain:
Ohhhh MARY, perhaps you should look on the back of that white thing holding up the monitor! And lo and behold, there it was! The power switch! I felt so glorified.
Hair color doesn't mean shit, because that was a VERY blonde event.
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| SHOW TONIGHT!! |
[24 Mar 2005|04:28pm] |
I'm going to be announcing PartyLine and doing some stand-up comedy tonight! If you're in the area, come see me!!
Where: The Warehouse Nextdoor
1017 7th Street NW
Washington DC
When: Doors open at 8:30 PM
All ages invited
$6
It'll be fun, I promise! :)
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| MORE ranting. |
[23 Mar 2005|12:22pm] |
I've been thinking a lot lately, and therefore writing way too many little (or not so little) rants. I just feel the need to get it all out, you know? I guess anyone would be pensive in my position.
Attempting to obtain more gainful employment so I can move to the city in approximately three months.
So I just got done beefing up my résumé, and contacted a few interested people. I hadn't worked on the résumé for awhile, so I was a bit "shabby" (heh heh) at figuring out what to say. But I managed, and now it's done, and my mind is in super mega sophisticated like woah résumé mode.
I've decided it's time to get my own life. I'm not going to rely on my entertainment career to give me one just like that *snaps*. I'm not the female William Hung. Honestly. If I was, I'd be living in L.A. and already semi-rich. I mean, look, he's made over a million now. ;)
All I get is the suicide rumors. :P (Haha, for those who don't know, there was an American Idol Conspiracy theory that I committed suicide. Of course, when I heard about it, I was in awe, and remarked, "WOW! I really AM the female William Hung!" Now I'm contradicting myself.)
I would like to think that people are realizing who I truly am and what I do, and perhaps are not sure what to do with me. Of course, there's also the other suggestion that they just don't like me and think I suck, but I'd rather not be so pessimistic. :P I've seen what the media has wanted to do to me at first - give me several different new looks, try to teach me "how to sing", and basically attempt turning me into a temporary popstar.
Hello, can someone please turn those little red siren lights on for me?
SELLOUT! SELLOUT! SELLOUT!
It's funny how when fashion people give you a new look, they gloat about it endlessly. It's always like, "Oh! you look so PRETTY!" as if I didn't look good before. Really, they're boasting about themselves, and how great a job THEY did. People have angles, all the time, and somehow they think others are so dense as to not see through it. Oh, honey, I see through it. I just don't care, because you're getting me publicity, exposure, and money. Show your true self, and your true motives - I won't be pissed.
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| Highschool... and self-liberating shit |
[21 Mar 2005|02:51pm] |
Some people didn't "get me" in highschool - it happens all the time to people who are eccentric and creative. For an exaggerated example, look at Napoleon Dynamite. The people who found me insane and weird were the same people who will grow up living boring lives as insurance brokers and secretaties, living in a brown house, with a white pickett fence and a dog. The American dream, right?
Well, if people are happy to live so conventionally, then I'm happy for them, but it was never for me. I don't understand how so many people can be brain clones of each other, blindly following trends and the media like conformist sheep. They have no real sense of self, and the worst part is, many of them aren't even aware of it.
They have an abundance of friends and seem to have it all, yet so many of their friendships are so shallow. They talk and gossip, yet never discuss anything of true substance. There is only so much one can extract from who's sleeping with who, boys, and fashion. Such a grand amount of people either decline deep discussion because they're either afraid to delve so deep into their psyche, or they don't know themselves very well.
I had my phases like this, where I did the same. I acted like it was being "me" but really, I was trying to fit into a mold. Fuck the molds. I'm anything and everything, and most of us are, if we could just be ourselves.
I can't say my childhood was a happy time - in fact, I can't even think of one great memory. But if you look at most comedians, a dysfunctional childhood is a must. :P (That was, of course, tongue in cheek. Yes, many comedians have had depressing childhoods, but some of them have also had positive upbringings - look at Will Ferrell.)
I love myself, though. I'm fabulous. And as long as *I* believe it, the whole world can disagree, and I won't care.
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| Amazing weekend! |
[21 Mar 2005|01:56pm] |
I hung out with Angela, who has her two bands: Partyline and Hott Beat this weekend. I went to this party to benefit Tearing At the Seams which I will also be performing at, on the day of the event. (Which is to be announced.)
Anyway, enough self promotion. Now I'm going to talk about why my weekend was amazing. As I mentioned, I hung out with Angela and went to one of the Tearing At the Seams parties. There were tons of awesome people there. It may sound trite to say, but it is truly a breath of fresh air to meet people who are not catty, boring, or annoying. These people were intelligent, interesting, creative, and just fun. Plus, I might become the bassist for Partyline *crosses fingers, but things are looking good* and if that doesn't happen, I WILL be forming another band with Angela called Gothtopus - basically comedic death metal. AND... this girl, Gina, said that if the singer in her band didn't work out, then I could join that, too.
So either way, looks like I will be rockin' out! Best of all, Partyline will be going on tour! We're talking hardcore touring here... all the way to ENGLAND!
I gave myself hot Shane hair today with the ends pulled out and a little hawk in the back. Rawr. Back to masturbating in the mirror...
just joking, of course.
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| Update and hair pics |
[17 Mar 2005|03:06pm] |
If you don't care at all about what I have to say, and only want to see my hair, then scroll down and skip the verbal shiz. ;)
[edit] The times on MTV have changed...AGAIN:
I will be on tomorrow at *7:30* and 11 PM EST, or look up in your local schedule MTV Spring Break Surprise Fantasies. I will also be on Saturday and Sunday, if you miss it Friday.
Thought I'd let you all know.
------------------------------------
Now, onto some personal blurbs:
I'm on this diet. Yes, another one. But when am I *NOT* dieting? Well, this diet is ridiculous, in my opinion. I'm practically vegan on it, and can eat no more than 20 grams of fat a day. My parents are going on it, because they're old and fat. I decided to join them, for moral support.
If anyone wants to check it out, it's based on a book called Fat Free, Flavor Full. Fat free... yes... flavor full, well, I'm not so sure.
And I got a new haircut. My hair grows so fast, and with the growing, it gets all good girl bowl cut ish, and thereby loses its edge. Here's what it looks like:
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| Back from Cancun |
[11 Mar 2005|11:30am] |
Cancun was "not too shabby" - and two moments were definitely worth writing about. Here they are:
1) My boobs popped out while I was doing my spastic dancing.
Yes, I was singing "American Idiot" and bouncing around, basically having a good time, when my halter came undone. Since halter tops have built-in bras, out came the boobs, flashing around 1,000 people.
Needless to say, I felt like Janet Jackson.
2) Now, if you thought THAT was embarrassing, I have a much worse story to tell. The boob thing honestly didn't phase me that much - I was shocked, I was embarrassed, but I found it utterly hilarious. What I'm about to spill is something I can laugh about and make fun of now, but at the time, it felt absolutely terrifying.
So what happened, anyway?
I got piss drunk in Cancun. I don't mean a little tipsy. I don't mean drunk, even. I mean PLA-A-A-A-A-STERED. We're talking 13+ drinks here (I remember losing track after 13).
See, some people were drinking at the bar in the morning, and I was to leave that afternoon. I was really bored, and thought it might be fun to be drunk before I left. I had plenty of time, and I wanted to make sure I was DRUNK. (The furthest I've ever gotten was more than a little tipsy but functional. I didn't have any of that odd drunken bliss that many people encountered when drunk... ever... so I figured I must have never gotten drunk enough.) I also wanted to test my limits and see what I could do in Cancun, while I still had tons of free alcohol and an endless supply of interesting mixed drinks.
Everyone was nice to me from what I recall, but I think they pitied me when I was drunk too much to be mean. Here are some of the events that happened:
-Getting tired of all the drinks
-Asking the bartender for Corona after all the mixed drinks, and he said "Corona no good". So I asked him what his favorite mixed drink was, and told him to make that for me. It was some kind of orange thing.
-Looking in the mirror, wondering if I was prettier when drunk
-Realizing I was uglier when drunk
-Puking on everyone
-Bumping into random objects and falling
-Sobering up and realizing I had a little bruise on my face. Oh jeez.
-Everyone asking me if I was ok
-Thanking them for that
-Apologizing profusely
-Feeling completely helpless
-Praying hail Mary's and saying "I bet God is mad at me." and "I'm usually a good kid. I'm a good Christian girl. I go to church every Sunday. I'm so sorry God!" And then, "I'm not 21. You can't do this in the US."
-Puking again
-Falling asleep on a chair
-Changing my clothes in the bathroom with the maid. She got to see me in a THONG.
-Hearing everyone asking me how much I drank
-Telling them I couldn't remember
-Wondering if I had alcohol poisoning
-Drunkenly misplacing my key to the hotel
-Giving the hotel $10 for this and forcing them to take it, so I wouldn't have to search
-Letting the hotel staff search my purse for it
-Realizing it was in my pocket when I was sober
-Sitting here, where I am now, being sober, and thanking God for sobriety.
I think I'm going to avoid alcohol for awhile :P
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| So maybe I've changed a little... |
[06 Mar 2005|12:40am] |
This may sound cliché, but I feel as if I've changed as a person since I became famous (or infamous, depending on what you know and who you talk to.) I've become more calm; I've gotten more mellow, as opposed to the chatty, bubbly girl people were used to. I've become more confident, yet more humble. I was once full of myself, as a barrier against my insecurity. Now, I'm just here. It no longer matters what people think, as long as I'm content and doing what I feel is best for me. I take nothing and no one for granted - people say all kinds of things, and sometimes it can be hard to tell what they really mean. I once went by their words, and trusted them, because I felt I had no reason not to. I was young and naive, I guess, and the worst part is, I didn't even know it. I figured I was well-rounded, socially adept, and incredibly mature.
I've become much more skeptical now of peoples' words and motives, but that doesn't mean I have become unkind. I'm just more aware, I suppose. I've become more cynical; my once continuous optimism has worn off, but my take on life is still positive, and whatever bitter residue left can be turned into laughter.
I've also become less vain, as well as less self conscious. I've become less narcissistic, and no longer feel the need to fish for compliments. It doesn't matter what people think anymore, as long as I'M happy.
And that's what I learned from being portrayed in the most unflattering light: the true lesson of humility and REAL self-acceptance.
What happens next, only God knows...
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| Dating sucks, and I suck at it. |
[02 Mar 2005|10:48pm] |
You know what? I SUCK at dating. I suck at relationships, too. I suck at singing, I suck at dancing, I SUCK AT EVERYTHING ;)!
Except sucking.
Wait, I lied.
I suck at sucking, too.
Oh, I did NOT just say that! Too much information, either way.
Anyway, I never know what to say on dates. If I don't say much about myself, I seem ice cold, reserved, and unreceptive. If I DO decide to talk about myself, I seem full of myself and conceited. There may be a balance in between, but I have yet to discover it.
I also suck at showing people I'm into them. If I'm all over someone, I will seem obsessive and clingy. If I'm standoffish, I will seem uninterested. I think persons of interest really have no idea that I like them when I do, because I barely show it. I expect them to pull the first move of affection, and if I like them, I will reciprocate equally. In order for me to reciprocate more than equally, I have to REALLY know they're into me.
For some reason, I always think no one is going to be into me. I mean, I don't see what's so special. To make up for my supposed lack of the interesting factor, I think of every funny story I've ever heard/witnessed. This makes me seem like I'm rambling on nonstop about nothing, even if it makes me amusing. It also may make me seem like I'm talking about myself entirely too much, since many of my funny stories revolve around me. I also sometimes state random facts about myself to show them I'm interesting, and it makes me look like I'm bragging.
During dates, I often feel as if I have something to prove. Like I should show them some special talent, or neat skill, that will make me worthy of seeing again. Like showing them I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue or my uncanny ability to imitate accents and other peoples' voices. What else makes me interesting? Hmmmm. One of my eyes is greener than the other. Sometimes I'll point this out, if I feel I'm not being interesting enough. This also demands, "Look in my eyes! You HAVE to now!" Oh, a perfect scheme. Ladies, you all should try it.
Anyway, dating sucks. But not dating sucks as much as dating does. I hate the word "date". Whenever I have a "date" arranged, I always want to just call it hanging out, cancel the fancy restaurant plans, and meet at Starbucks. Then, we could walk around DC, and just have a good time, as opposed to all the pressure dates ensue.
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| Another website update. |
[28 Feb 2005|05:44pm] |
And now, the website has content on it!
Once again, http://www.maryroachweb.com :)
It's snowing out there. I really hate snow. I mean, it's gorgeous to look at, but it's wet and cold. Ick.
Nothing else of importance to say, I guess. While my professional life is flourishing, my private life is pretty banal. Or at least not worth really making an entry about.
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| An entry! She lives! |
[26 Feb 2005|06:53pm] |
During the height of the "Scary Mary" publicity, I deleted my livejournal. I just did not want anyone and everyone reading about my personal business. When I was a nobody, it did not matter who read the details of my private life, but now that I'm somewhat well known, I suddenly care.
However, as you can see, the livejournal is back and I *do* plan on writing future updates.
I posted my entire American Idol story on myspace, for those who care to have a gander, here's the link:
http://profiles.myspace.com/users/9278181
Since my American Idol debut, I have appeared on Extra, Inside Edition(twice), In Touch, US Weekly (both which I did interviews with), Star, Entertainment Weekly (both which I did NOT do interviews with; I may have appeared in other magazines, but those are the ones that I am aware of), done countless radio interviews, gotten my original song played on DC 101, gotten my audition parodied on Saturday Night Live, and I am going to appear on MTV Spring Break Celebrity Fantasy on March 19th at 7 PM EST. Watch for me! :)
Things are going fabulous, career wise.
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| omg! |
[18 Jan 2005|06:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 OMGOMGOMGOMG!!! SPAZZING! |
] |
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music |
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EWF - Shining Star (almost appropriate!) |
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I'M ON THE WEBSITE. I'M ON THE EFFIN' WEBSITE!!!
http://www.idolonfox.com/
OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!
Look at THIS:
"Tonight, American Idol heads to our nation’s capital, where we kick everything off with a stirring rendition of the national anthem. You’ll see one contestant who sold her most precious possession to afford the trip to D.C., a bunch of contestants that cry and you’ll also see Mary Roache. Yes, Mary Roache. You’ll see what we mean tonight. So don’t miss it!"
Well, they misspelled my name.
And I wanted to be known as Mary Guilbeaux.
But hey, I'm there! AND FEATURED!!
AND ON THE WEBSITE!!!!!!!
On a not as exciting note, my scalp has gone through quite the torture today.
I decided I disliked the pink, because it was not evenly distributed enough.
So I decided to go for a dark brown with mahogany highlights.
However, the dark brown did not completely drown it out, and the mahogany highlights enhanced the pink and made it red.
So my hair is like... black-purple-reddish-pink. With a bit of blonde.
Yet all my friends who saw it today said it looked fabulous. I guess it's... different. It looks like a rockstar. Definitely. And for once, I'm no longer blonde.
I'm not sure if I want to keep it this way, dye it darker, or go blonde again.
I kind of miss the blonde.
Blonde hair is an integral part of me. It's my excuse for my sometimes dizty behavior. ;)
I think I may just hit up the salon tomorrow, red in the face, tell them, "Uhh, I performed an experiment. Long story." and get it blonde again.
But I'm not sure. We'll see what my hair looks like tomorrow.
Stupid impulsive hair decisions ;)
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| A Tale of Two(Or maybe three) Cell Phones |
[05 Jan 2005|05:37pm] |
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mood |
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 hahahahaha |
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music |
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Alanis Morisette - Hand In My Pocket |
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My phone died the death of all cell phones!
Haha, I let Mykail borrow my cell phone for the day, because her's is apparently dead since she misplaced her charger. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't know what she did, or the entire story of how it happened, but it involes Mykail taking my cell phone in the bathroom with her(something I NEVER do... I don't want to be talking on the phone while using the bathroom! That's just NO!), and it mysteriously fell in the toilet.
I remember last summer, I was at this party/get together with her (the relevant part) and some other people... and Jeremy dropped his cell phone in the toilet, and we all made Mykail fetch it out. I guess karma is getting back at me for laughing at phones that drown.
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[01 Jan 2005|05:27pm] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lax_cutie
Made This Layout!
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